Confessions of a Heel Lover: Finding Confidence Without the Pain

I used to love high heels.

Not just love them, collect them. My closet was a parade of stilettos, wedges, and pumps in every color and style. I felt confident, powerful, even a little sexier when I wore them. Somehow, standing a few inches taller made me feel like I was standing a little prouder too.

Then came the pandemic - days at home in slippers, sneakers, and bare feet. Heels started collecting dust. When I tried to go back, my feet protested. What used to feel empowering suddenly felt… painful. Still, I pushed through for special events, because that’s what we were trained to do, right? High heels equaled confidence, professionalism, and polish.

Then, an ankle injury ended my heel-wearing days altogether. It was heartbreaking, a small loss, but symbolic of something bigger.

Because it made me ask: Why do we, as women, connect our confidence to our shoes?

Last spring, I helped manage an event for over 6,000 high school students , future business leaders presenting to judges and their peers. The majority of the young women were in heels. They looked poised and professional, but by mid-day, 90% of them were limping, swapping out shoes, or quietly rubbing their sore feet under the tables.

It broke my heart... because I saw myself in them.
We’re teaching young women that power, confidence, and credibility come from a pair of heels instead of from within.

At the Roanoke Regional Chamber’s ConnectHER Conference last week, one of the panelists shared her own story about no longer being able to wear heels. She described the sadness and loss she felt — but also how she learned that her confidence was never actually in her shoes. It was always in her.

That hit me hard.

I may not be ready to pair sneakers with a cocktail dress like today’s fearless teens, but I’ve fully embraced stylish, comfortable flats, and more importantly, I’ve learned to find my power within myself.

So, here’s my quiet little movement:
To every woman, whether you’re 16 or 60, remember that your strength, intelligence, and grace aren’t measured in inches. They’re reflected in how you stand tall without needing extra height.

Because confidence doesn’t come from the shoes on your feet.
It comes from the woman wearing them.

Cheers,

Bethany